Happily · Never · After

MCAT, I stumbled across a summer book from one of my research programs. Back in 2003, as a rising junior in high school, I wrote "Born into a huge family that taught him the significant meaning of having family values and the importance of education, Nghi hopes to stay in California for college, possibly at Stanford University. If all goes as planned, he will be in the MSTP program at UCSF for 8 years to earn his MD-PhD. His future career includes being a prudent professor, a passionate scientist, and a humane pediatrician." So far, my prediction of Stanford is true. I know that I won't be applying to MSTP programs this year so that part is wrong, but will I be miraculously accepted into UCSF? I can only pray.

in my MCAT class! Trust me, it is such a Herculean task.

Just 85 more free-standing questions and 73 more passages to do before Sunday!

MCAT and iGEM.

I'm currently running Safari, Mail, TextEdit, Word, Adium, Preview, InDesign, Photoshop, Quicktime, and Acrobat Professional. And guess what?! It's not crashing!

Stanford. Not only am I striving for solid A in the physics and organic chemistry series, I'm also balancing my thesis and my leadership position at iGEM. Oy. The good news is, in the last four days, I have reviewed 170 pages of organic chemistry. I miss orgo so much. No, seriously. I love it because it makes so much sense.

since I've met him. I spent last night at his place again and I brought up the subject.

N: It'll be three months this Wednesday.
K: Really?
N: Yeah, three months since our first date.
K: It doesn't feel like three months at all.
N: I know. Well, temporally, it has been three months, but emotionally, I'm not so sure.
K: You and your semantics. I'll let you decide when the dates are.
N: No, really, we weren't even serious until this month. We haven't been together for three months.
K: Fine, but we haven't been apart in the last three months either.

as described by a NYT article. This post should be accurately title, "Whom Not to Marry.."

1. Never marry a man who has no friends and/or pets.
2. Never marry a man who uses money irresponsibly.
3. Likewise, never marry a man who is stingy for he will be calculated in all aspects of his life.
4. Never marry a man whose life you can run, whose voice you cannot hear.
5. Never marry a man who is overly attached to his mother.
6. Never marry a man who doesn't have a sense of humor.
7. Never marry the strong, silent type.
8. Never marry a man with an addiction.
9. Never marry a man whose family you don't respect.
10. Never marry a man who doesn't posses traits that add up to a good human being.

I want to read for the summer. Let's see how many of them I actually crack the spine: Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway, Fitzgerald's This Side of Paradise, Nabokov's Lolita, Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man.

Which order should I read them in?

want me. I will wait patiently.

even though there is so much to tell you, we're not going to do this. Not here. Not now. I can't share with you what I've been through in the past few weeks. I can't catch up with you. I can't talk. Because if I did, if I told you that he broke my heart, that I left him because he was too busy, running after his promotion that he didn't make time for me, that I will never share another bottle of port with him again, I would fall apart. I don't have time to fall apart.

In the next seven days, I have two midterms, one paper, and one presentation due for class. And that's just school. My biggest preliminary experiment will be done in the next week, too. I also have to prepare an abstract and a poster for a conference in two weeks. So, I'm right. I don't have time to fall apart right now.

is a good sign that I really like him.

Date #1 was mentioned in the last entry. Date #2 was last Sunday. We hiked to the dish and I have never done that before because I never had a reason to go up there. On our hike, I found out that he's color-blinded. I can't even remember what we talked about but we did talk for the entire hike, which lasted 90 minutes. Afterwards, we went to Nola where he ordered two mojitos. We shared entrees and talked about our past relationships. I know. It was only the second date and we're already open the X-Files. From what I can perceive, he seems to be a loyal boyfriend who cares a lot. He doesn't cheat. He's faithful and committed. All are good signs. Afterwards, we went to see North by Northwest at the Stanford Theater. We held hands throughout the showing. It was lovely. I miss that so much. I miss the tenderness of someone's hand. I miss being touched tenderly.

Date #3 happened last Tuesday. Being the generous guy that he is, he offered to help me move into my new room in Terra. I have a great story about this, but I will save it for the next entry because it deserves special attention. Afterwards, we went to Safeway to get some sandwiches for our impromptu picnic by the lake. Apparently, there was no trail that led down to said location, thus we ended up eating our dinner in the car, watching the sunset. Trust me, it was equally enjoyable. We talked about family and traditions. I told him how I have never heard my parents utter the vietnamese equivalence of "I love you." I would love to whisper those words to someone and truly, truly feel them. Then, I drove us to a park near campus. We played on the swings and cuddled with a blanket on the bench. It was surreal.

Date #4 was on Friday. After spending a day with my family in San Jose at the Children's Discovery Museum, I drove back to Palo Alto. We met at Coupa to check out the new wine bar called The Wine Room, but, because it was a Friday night, everyone was there. We went back to Coupa Cafe to get some dessert because there was no place to sit in that winery. I told him about my sisters' reactions when I told them that I was dating him and all the interesting events that always happened when I'm with my dear mother. We went back to the wine bar and it was more busy than when we previously visited. I brilliantly suggested another location - Cafe Fino. It's a charming bistro with music from the Golden Age of Cinema. We had dessert wine there before we parted.

Date #5 was on a Sunday again. While I was in Oakland, I drove up to Berkeley to a bakery called Love at First Bite to get him his favorite cupcakes. We had thai food and watched Psycho. Afterwards, we hanged out in my room and just lied there, looking at each other. It was so peaceful. Now that spring quarter has begun, I cannot see him as often as I would like to, but I told him that we will talk on a daily basis, even if it is for five minutes. It may be to early in the relationship to project any long-term plans, but this one's a keeper. He treats me well. He shows me that I'm worthy of being loved and I forget that too often. Though he's an ISTJ and I am an INFP, I think we both will get along just fine. Mutual respect and affection already exist. Now let's see what time will reveal.

is beginning to write itself. I met someone amazing. He treats me the way I deserve to be treated. He lets me know that I'm worth his time and his feelings. For many different reasons, I don't date often. This entry isn't an elaboration of those motivations. It's a reflection on how happy I have been. It's amazing how one person can have such power to color one's life.

During finals, I was procrastinating so I was browsing random facebook profiles of my friends. I clicked his. What was it that caught my eyes? His ambition. He's a corporate tax attorney. Our interests are pretty opposite from one another.I sent him a message to let him know that I find him charming. He wrote, "It's nice to hear from total strangers who are cute and smart." That was my signal to ask him if he wanted to hang out, so I did. A few more messages and our love for Hitchcock movies was unearthed. He likes spotting the director in them and looking for bloopers. In passing, he mentioned Morocco since that was the setting of The Man Who Knew Too Much. I mentioned that I was just in Morocco last December. We found many common grounds.

We finally met for the first time on Friday. He promptly picked me up at 7 PM and we went to the oval to sit on the grass. The sun was setting, the grass was inviting. We exchanged coming out stories among many others. As soon as it got unbearably cold, we drove to Coupa for a cup of spicy Mayan mocha where we sat and talked about politics. I was dying internally because I had not slept since Thursday at 7 PM and it was already Friday at 8 PM, but I was blooming in his presence.

The last part of the evening was my favorite. We drove to a filled Lake Lag on a full moon. As we walked to the edge of the lake, we were surrounded by a symphony conducted by frogs. The stars spilled over the sky. He held my hands. What I really like about him is the fact that he sees long term prospects in me. No one has the chance to see what type of boyfriend I could be until him.

Today, we are hiking to the dish before heading out to a cajan dinner. After we eat, we will be watching Hitchcock's North by Northwest. It'll be a wonderful evening. But, unlike every fairy tale, this one may not end in "happily ever after" and I'm prepared for that, too.

a depressing place?

Stories of a stepfather "pounded [his stepdaughter] with his hands, demanding to know why she was so destructive, and had shoved her head under a cold bathtub faucet" who ultimately "died of bleeding on the brain caused by blows to the head" to our politicians who cheats on their unfaithful wives, proclaiming that "we have a marriage like many Americans, maybe even like many of you,” make me so pessimistic about society.

having a boyfriend. I'm the happiest when I'm asleep.

moments when they reflect reality.

Grey's Anatomy, Bailey's version: " I'm not talking about you, Shepherd. Just guys like you. Who don't see girls like me. We don't exist for you. We exist to do your homework! We exist to build your ego up. I am a successful married mother. I am chief resident, I am CHIEF resident of a major metropolitan hospital! I am a surgeon, who saved his life today! And he still doesn't see me. I may as well still be that high school girl with the mushroom haircut and the coke bottle glasses and the band uniform. The girl who didn't get to go to homecoming dance cause it didn't even occur to him to ask me. All those late nights tutoring him, and it didn't even occur to him to ask?"

possible is starting up again. So far, I've met Dudley Herschbach (Chemistry 1986 - dynamics of chemical elementary processes) and Wolfgang Ketterle (Physics 2001 - Bose-Einstein condensation). I've dined with Philip Sharp (Medicine 1993 - split genes). This Tuesday, I will eat lunch with Thomas Cech (Chemistry 1989 - catalytic properties of RNA) who is also the current HHMI President!

finishing my pset 3 days early and reading 190 pages about Brazilian transgendered prostitutes. Yay for productivity.

talking to him. When I'm not around him, I miss who I am when I'm with him. He reminds me so much of my best friend in high school.

right. The moment that you realize the answer he's looking for is exhilarating.